


i cant breathe without you (but i have to)

by mapshirtlou



Series: i cant breathe without you (but i have to) [1]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Angst, Established Relationship, Flashbacks, M/M, RageHappy, creepgar - Freeform, this is so sad im so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-25
Updated: 2014-10-25
Packaged: 2018-02-22 12:10:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2507291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mapshirtlou/pseuds/mapshirtlou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>he'll act brave, shout-"go, gav, go go go. get to the base, get to your family and safety and help and everything you deserve and I love-" but he'll be terrified, his hands will shake and he'll scream, fight, trying to stop the inevitable as the walkers close in- "i want to live, i want to live, gavin, gavin, gavin must live"--and he will.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i cant breathe without you (but i have to)

Michael has made a lot of promises in his lifetime that he later went back on.

He promised his principal in sixth grade that he would stop fighting the other kids. He promised his mom in ninth grade that he would get his grades up. He promised his guidance councilor that he would study hard for the SAT's in eleventh grade. He went back on every single one of those.

However, when he promised Gavin that he would keep him alive, he meant it. He refused to go back on this promise, because Gavin meant everything to him, and his safety was the most important thing to Michael. Because he knew when it gets right down to it, when it's Gavin and himself, and there is only one exit and the zombies are closing in on Gavin and Michael's blood is rushing in his ears, he knows. He knows he'll distract them all, get them all to look at him so Gavin can escape. _(he'll act brave, shout-"go, gav, go go go. get to the base, get to your family and safety and help and everything you deserve and I love-" but he'll be terrified, his hands will shake and he'll scream, fight, trying to stop the inevitable as the walkers close in- "i want to live, i want to live, gavin, gavin, gavin must live"--and he will.)_

He's reminded of this when he hears a large crash come from the lower level of the house he and Gavin had taken residence in for the night, and he springs into action when he notices Gavin's side of the bed is empty. Michael grabs the revolver he keeps under his pillow and jumps out of bed, scrambling down the steps, his breathing erratic. _(it's impossible to focus--his mind is a jumble of gavingavingavingavin but it always is, always has been, always will be)._

He crept along the walls quietly, carefully, trying to keep quiet (praying to the God he's not really sure exists anymore that Gavin is doing the same and that the walkers haven't gotten to him yet) as he attempts to find the source of the noise. _(as he searches his mind is racing with scenes-with memories of himself and gavin, the day they met; the days they spent surviving together, making light of it all; the day michael realized gavin loved him; the day that michael realized maybe he loved gavin too-- and michaels terrified that he'll never see gavin, see his boi again and he has to stop walking for a moment to collect himself and try to slow his breathing again and thinks of the day they met, the day the British idiot walked into his life and never walked back out)_

-

Michael fucking _hates_ going into big cities.

More often then not, Michael runs into somebody in the city, some weak, sad person that begs Michael to help them, to take them with him. They tell him their sob stories, grovel at his feet, and usually cry.

But Michael always refuses.

It's not because he doesn't feel bad, because he does. He just--he just can't get attached to someone new. He can't travel side by side with someone, help them live, just to eventually watch them get their fucking throats ripped out by some zombie.

So, Michael supposed, he was a bit of a lone wolf. And a pessimist. But to survive in this apocalyptic world, that's what you had to be. Don't depend on anybody besides yourself, don't get attached, and most importantly, don't fall in love. That last one wasn't really an issue for Michael considering he hasn't met another person in months.

So it's just his fucking luck that the minute he gets into the heart of the city, he hears an accented voice laced with fear saying things like "shhh, nice zombie!" "C'mon, you lot don't wanna hurt me!" "Alright you smegpots, let me go!". And Michael has no idea why he's drawn to it, but he is, and he curses himself out every step he takes towards the voice.

He rounds the corner of what he guesses used to be an office building, and sees a small crowd of seven walkers or so backing a man against a building across the street. Michael hesitates, watching the scene for a moment, before the walkers back the man completely against the wall and he slowly creeps across the street, ducking behind abandoned cars for cover as he grips his gun tightly. He gets as close as he can manage, peeking up over the hood of the car from his crouched position, taking the safety off as he lines up his shot. He can see the panicked look on the mans face as they get closer, and Michael takes a deep breath _(why am i doing this i cant save somebody then ill probably be responsible for the damn guy-_ ) before pulling the trigger in six quick tugs, taking all of them out perfectly.

All except one, that is.

Michael stands up from behind the car and swears when he sees the zombie whip away from the man and search for Michael. Michael tugs his knife out of it's holster on his side and vaults over the cars hood, sprinting at the zombie and plunging the knife into it's head before it could react. He twists it to the right, then left before gripping the handle and kicking the zombie, the knife sliding out easily as the body fell to the ground among the others.

"Bloody hell," the man says after a few moments of simply staring at Michael. Michael met his eyes and was met with a stunning green. The man's hair was sandy and blonde and stuck up at odd angles and was matted together with blood, some of it dried to his forehead. He had splatters of blood on his face and nose (that was fucking huge) probably from when Michael had killed the five others. The man was actually kind of handso-

No. He wasn't allowed to think things like that. Not after--not after her.

"I'm Michael," he said, sliding his gun into his back pocket and knife into it's holster.

"Gavin," the man replied in a tone that was far too cheery for what he had just gone through."Thanks for saving me back there, I was in a bit of a jam."

"Yeah, no shit! How the hell did you manage to run into a group of walkers with no weapon!?" Michael asked, trying his best not to shout and attract more walkers. Gavin chuckled and shrugged.

"Just a bit of bad luck, isn't it? I usually have a weapon with me, but I ran out of ammo and I came here to-" Gavin was interrupted by the sound of scuffling, and immediately Michael drew his gun out, holding it down at his side as he scanned the area.

From around the corner from where Michael came, a large group of walkers appeared and started for he and Gavin, and while they didn't move that fast, they were quick enough. Michael swore under his breath and grabbed Gavin's hand, yanking it after him as he ran away from the group of zombies, the man letting out a loud squawk as he did so.

The two men weaved in and around cars as they sprinted, the adrenaline pumping through their veins and making them extremely fast, fast enough that they lost the group within minutes. They both dashed around a corner of a building into an alleyway and doubled over, gasping for breath.

"So," Gavin started, taking large swallows of air as he did so with a shit eating grin. "We're--we're a team now? Me and you? Michael and Gavin?"

"No, fuck no. I don't--I don't do teams, asshole," Michael replied, taking deep breaths from his nose and he stood up and tried to glare at Gavin. The man pronounced his name like Micoo, and Michael found it extremely endearing annoying.

"Why not, Michael? You could be my boi, my lovely little boi! You and I, we could--"

"Stop. We're not a team. I'll--" Michael sighed and rubbed his temples briefly, _don't do this don't help him don't you_ -"I'll let you come with me until we find someone else. The second we find other survivors, I'm dumping you off with them and you and I never talk again, ok?"

Michael watched Gavin's face flash for a moment, and he looked hurt by Michael's harsh words, before it was replaced with his goofy grin.

"Sounds like a plan! So, where are we off to?"

-

Michael had been such an asshole when they had first met. He apologized to Gavin every chance he got because, _god_ , if there was one person who deserved that least of anyone in the world it was Gavin.

His Gavin, so broken and bruised by the world, who had lost so much but still one of the most optimistic people in the world. His lovely boi, with the biggest heart of anyone he'd ever met.

Every day of his life, Michael wondered why they had to meet now of all times. Why they met after the world had already fallen to shit, when they weren't able to settle down and have a long, happy life together because of a fucking disease the government accidentally released to the public.

Some nights when sleep refused to come to the pair of them, they would lie there and stare at the ceilings (or the stars, depending on whether or not they had managed to find a decent house) and imagine the different universes in which they also got to meet and fall in love. One where the world wasn't a god damn apocalypse that left them with no chance of actual happiness.

As Michael slowly made his way down the steps after checking that the upstairs was clear, he remembered the last time they had done it and begged some mystical being that it wasn't their last time.

-

"Doctors?" Gavin suggested, turning his head to the right to look at Michael, and Michael could feel Gavin's smile pressing against his arm.

Michael cackled and shook his head, turning to look over at his boyfriend.

"Seriously, Gav? Us? As doctors?"

"'Paging Doctor Free and Doctor Jones to the OR!' It sounds great, Michael! Like it was meant to be."

"Hm. Ok, how about.....space explorers?"

"Yeah! You're Captain Jones, head engineer of the ship you and I serve on."

"You're Private Free, new transfer. You work under me, and I'm teaching you the ropes until you get placed on your own ship as head engineer."

"But you get frustrated with me quickly, cause I'm bloody awful, and clumsy as hell too."

"True. But....it's kind of endearing. But I don't tell you that."

"I don't tell you that I'm purposely messing up just to get under your skin, cause I think it's cute how easily you get riled up."

"But after a few months, the big guys decide that you've had enough training, and you get placed on your own ship."

"But in those few months, we had grown close. Best friends, I'd say, and I was just about to work up the courage to make out with you or something."

"So was I, but before either of us could grow the balls, you get removed. We keep in touch, though. We talk every single day and it's like you never left."

"But one day I don't respond to any of your messages. And you tear yourself up about it, you can't figure out why I'm ignoring you. This goes on for a couple of days before you start worrying about whether or not I'm really ignoring you or if something happened."

"So I find my boss, demand to know whether or not you guys are ok, and still on course. They don't tell me, not right away because it's 'authorized information', but one of them takes pity on me and tells me in secret that we haven't heard from your ship in days."

"So you guys go on a bloody recon mission to save me! Aw, Michael, my hero."

"And when we do finally get to your stupid ass, we have a big dramatic reunion scene. Confessions of love and all that."

"And I blow you in front of everybody!"

"GAVIN NO!"

"Ok, ok. Wait, imagine this. NASCAR drivers......"

-

He rounds the corner into the kitchen and is relived to find Gavin sprawled among a bunch of knocked over supplies, giving Michael a sheepish smile.

_(what he wants to say is i love you i love you i love you im so glad youre ok god i was so terrified that i lost you terrified that i broke my promise to you to myself-)_

"Gavin, you goddamn idiot!" is what he says instead because that's what he would've said before they were michaelandgavin, and sometimes normalcy is all they've got.

"Sorry, Michael, I was just hungry and I was trying to find my way around in the dark and--yeah," Gavin explained. _(im sorry i worried you, please dont be mad)_

"It's fine, idiot." _(im not mad--im glad you're ok)_ "We need to get to bed. We've got a lot of traveling to do tomorrow." Michael helps Gavin up and they both go back up the steps, Michael shoving the revolver back underneath his pillow as Gavin curls up next to him, and they both fall into a restless sleep, the only kind of sleep anyone has anymore.

_(gavin doesnt point out michaels uneven breathing from being so worried about him_

_or the way michael holds him a little tighter, a little closer when they get back into the bed,_

_he just lets michael anchor him to the here and now and tries his best to pretend things arent the way they are)_

_-_

_(it's months later when gavin finally reaches the safety base. he's bloody and bruised and weak and tired. but mostly, hes alone._

_it's hard to breathe without michael around and even harder to want to stay alive_

_but he promised michael he would_

_and michael kept his promise.)_

**Author's Note:**

> there will be a sequel!!! :D well obvi not a sequal but like little clip and scenes of them i.e their journey, where they're trying to get, why michael is so hesitant about traveling with ppl c: thank you guys i hope you enjoyed it xxxx  
> tumblr- rt-gilby.tumblr.com


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